My Life with Asperger's Syndrome by Graeme Croton

My name is Graeme Croton I am an exceptional talent who has overcame so many barriers, difficulties, obstacles and struggles. I often describe my life as an abstract tapestry on a lens of a camera. My very life has been like a film a genre of pretext and true poignant that spanned over twenty three years. My difficulties affect my writing ability I have a visual creative talent. My childhood was a painful episode of bitter fragments of impelling unhappiness. As a child I experienced the full force of coming from a broken home. I was a very quiet child very different from other kids. I was prudent to open up to people around me. I loved to be on my own the sheer thought of being on my own in my own company excited me I found being alone as an escape route. I struggled to cope with what happened when my parents separated when I was four. I blamed myself for the cause when my parents split up I wasn't the same child from then on. I struggled in school nobody knew why I was quiet and found communicating and interacting difficult. Aged six I started to get obsessed with observing things like advertisements and billboards. I got fascinated by colours and picture formats. I soon created cartoon design characters constantly exploring my imagination.
I constantly visualised about being the cartoon characters I had created. I got obsessed with listening to music.

Over repeating music by Mozart and Strauss I soon created music scores in my visual mind for the cartoon characters I created. At school I was often alone I enjoyed my own company. I often played alone in the school playground playing with sticks and stones. People around me didn't know what I was doing I was creating sounds to further the music scores I created. More events occurred between my parents that affected my childhood further. Aged Seven I was given lead part in a school Drama production soon I found acting another niche and escape route I was at ease which I loved. Whilst growing up as a child soon I encountered the full force of society I was often described as an object and a subject. I was aged eight when the confusion and madness evolved that affected me in my confused and troubled teens until I was aged twenty. I experienced the pejorative helm of the society I was a part of that affected me mentally. I was shy and timed in my psyche in school I had a drench of fear that surrounded my every move. I had this memory status which was hard to describe or explain.

I didn't know why society mocked me for being slow, strange and weird. Teachers struggled to understand me I encountered people who where partial to prejudice. In Year 6 whilst preparing for Secondary School my Primary Head Master dubbed me a misfit. I didn't have a Secondary school to attend Secondary education when I was eleven. People mocked me and I was bullied and teased for being a failure my mother fought hard to win me a place in a Secondary school. Soon a path of coincidences and events was soon to occur as I attended Secondary education. I lived in fear preparing for the first day anxiety of feeling threatened by new people who I would meet. Time soon passed on I was still tense at times. Mid through a school break in late 1996 aged eleven I found peace escaping to my true escape route my bedroom. I was content as music was pounding from a set of music headphones my mind slipped away. The sounds of music lyrics and music sounds triggered my mind as I picked up a pen and a piece of paper.

As I closed my eyes for a while in a space of minutes I created my very first poem and song. At the time I didn't know what I had created yet some how I found an obsession to continue. Whilst in school I was the subject of an orchestrated campaign I didn't know what was happening to me I often locked myself in solitude. I didn't move I was scared living with fear without knowing the circumstances I was humiliated. I lost my way I was battling a Cultural Identity Problem society confused me on my origins. I didn't know who I was on top of discovering my true identity only escape route was to dream. As time went on living in my confused and troubled teens I started to visualise the ultimate escape route. I often got obsessed by being a dozen different people at the same time. I soon started to record all events that took place in my life trying to understand the psychological effects of bullying. The helms of provocation and proceedings affected my sense of living. I was lost trying to understand what was wrong with me.

I was difficult to live with especially for my guardians. I was hurt trying to cope with all what was going on memories of my past was affecting my sense of living. My memory held those memories that took place seeing the devastation of being alone when my parents separated to battling society. I often caused trouble to seek attention times to gain inspiration. Aged sixteen I started to create ideas based on my past two years early I realised creative writing was my niche. It helped me to overcome all what was happening to me and I soon explored more methods and ways to enhance my ideas. Back then I didn't know what I was doing withdrawing myself and struggling to face things. I left school illiterate teachers couldn't understand why I was so obsessed with just one subject. I achieved just one GCSE a top grade in Creative Arts I soon became lost in society. Eighteen my work was spotted by a Poet Laureate there I experienced my first mentor who discovered my talent. Soon I found direction when creative poetry was published.

I found a sense of belonging when I read my poetry in front of like minded creative poets I felt at home. I soon got drawn to my past as a format for inspiration I slipped away into creating screen ideas. I found an urge to express myself by observing my past that became like the power of listening to music a major inspirational tool. Time went on I dreamed constantly about my creative ideas my visually mind brought my ideas alive visually. Nights I visualised further to master my ideas. I struggled to find ways to prove that I was alive most times in my late teens I was alone filled with confusion. I longed to find ways to bring an understanding of why I was the way I was. At nineteen whilst a Media student I constantly visualised to find a way to find my destiny and my true identity. Nights after nights I improvised and visualised being interviewed by news papers regarding my TV ambitions. I wanted to be accepted and to be recognised not as an object or a subject but as a human being.

Time went on I wanted to make my college proud soon I got obsessed with the idea of appearing in news papers. I got influenced seeing my uncle in news papers regarding his invention I soon longed to follow in his footsteps in a new route. Soon I made the impossible happen I appeared and was interviewed in a newspaper. All that hard work interacting with my visual mind paid off. The moment the photography met me at college and took my photo I found my way when I saw myself in the paper. I got inspired observing the bold print headlines covering my TV ambitions I found my direction when I created my first screen idea. I didn't worry no more I found the person I longed to be and I was content my illusive TV Dream was born. Through 2006, 2007 and early 2008 I done things not many people my age achieved. I had appointments and meetings lined up from Film & TV Agents and Producers from London to beyond. I achieved things with sheer visual ambition, determination, passion and pride. Many professionals admired my courage and strength of character aged twenty one when it all started.

A sense of frustration started to occur professionals struggled to understand me. I often was erratic and I often over repeated myself whilst trying to get my creative screen ideas seen. Lack of eye contact and a sense of extreme visual brilliance affected my chances I got obsessed in improvising and visualising being the characters I created. An obsessive routine ruined many opportunities I made myself with visual ambition and determination. I struggled to be taken serious I faced rejection and set backs which I struggled to except.
A daily routine became an obsessive routine spending a whole day in front of my laptop. I was content with the visual passion of writing my ideas in the day being left alone just as I loved whilst a child. The evening I spent researching contacts and late in the night I used my bedroom as a format for inspiration. Obsession with listening to music with music headphones the sounds of music lyrics and sounds triggered my mind once again.

As I closed my eyes my creative screen ideas where visually alive like cinema screens I soon improvised being the characters I created. This soon became an obsession and soon this daily routine drove me to be a recluse. More opportunities came my way in 2008 with Film & TV Producers being a recluse I became very negative and often I withdrawn from the outside world. Through out 2008 I struggled to understand why I was so obsessed with a daily routine which became an obsessive routine. Midway through Feb 2009 a Film Producer who observed my screen ideas confronted me about obstacles. At first I was baffled by suggestions of Aspergers Syndrome and Dyslexia I didn't believe the Producer. I was acknowledged with promising remarks about overcoming the difficulties. I was warned if I refused to take action about my difficulties achieving my creative ambitions would be an impossible task. Still I had mixed thoughts about what had just happened. I often thought I was the blame of how my life had turned out.

Something made me finally see sense to take the advice I was given by a professional in Film & TV Producer. I soon done research and it soon made me see sense to take action. All my life I was confused I always knew I was different from those around me. I had a feeling that the questions where finally being answered. I always knew something was wrong with me something I was unaware. I soon confronted my GP about possible difficulties soon my claims was dismissed as pure fiction which left a sour taste on my mouth. I soon had to act alone my natural qualities soon came across in my character. I found it difficult to let go if I faced set backs. I had to go alone in my fight to get the help needed to discover the truth. It weren't until July whilst living in Scotland I finally got help to get a full Dyslexia assessment. I was tensed it took me five months to finally get the full private assessment. I knew I was Dyslexic it took me since Feb to come to terms with the possibilities. I had a gut feeling I was Autistic although I switched off from the thought.

I don't know why I switched off when I thought about the possibilities of Autism. It was the fear in case the possibilities where wrong that's what I was scared about in case the predictions where false. I started to change over night from Feb onwards I found wisdom I felt alive and I felt a weight had been lifted. All my life I thought I was alone. Mid July I returned back to Birmingham to spend time with my family there I received the news that changed my life forever. I received Dyslexia reports from Psychologist who assessed me and the truth came out. The results stated I wasn't just Dyslexic but I also had traits of Aspergers Syndrome on the Autism Spectrum. The whole events changed my life forever because I wasn't alone after all. I soon saw life in a different way as I started to write an autobiography of the events that affected twenty three years of my life.
I felt alive and I finally proved I was alive after all twenty three years I disagreed. I was stereotyped and victimised as an object and a subject for so long.

My whole life appeared in my mind as I thought deep for a while trying to look back in my life. Memories appeared of times withdrawing from the real world slipping away into my own visionary world with my creative ideas. The obsessive nature in what I truly loved to do visually exploring my creative mind. I just never thought Autism gave me a talent I always described myself having a hobby for creative thinking not a gift. Now I finally understood why I had a superb memory. The realisation process changed me life. Twenty three years living a life unaware of the reality of the truth. All my life I struggled to understand the person I was but thanks to my niche for creative writing helped me to shape the person I am today. All the hard work has finally paid off through out three and half years of missed opportunities and living an obsessive routine life. Now I see my destiny and future and I'm so passionate about being Autistic. For the first time in my life I feel being a part of something and I am proud to be Autistic. Twenty three years I lived a life thinking I was on my own in reality I wasn't. I wouldn't long to be nonautistic because Autism is a part of who I am and will always be and I'm proud of that.